We're Gonna Be Fine

Tomorrow I start high school, again. I'm very excited for this new experience but am anxious about lots of things, and however natural that may be, it still freaks me out.

As a kid I was never good at sleeping the night before a big event, I think I got that from my dad. This past fall I lied awake waiting to start my senior year, thinking it would be the last time I did so as a child, and luckily I think that'll be true. Tonight, I feel, will be full of beautiful sleep and probably a little sleep talking.

My mom informed me this morning on our way to Itsuki's opening ceremony that I'd been talking in my sleep when she woke up. I was embarrassed of course, there's always that level of embarrassment that comes with not knowing what you've said, but I realized that 寝言 (negoto / sleep talking) is just another way of communicating. Back in America, Liz would sometimes write down what I said when I talked in my sleep. My favorite, by far, was "I DON'T WANT TO GET MARRIED!" which was screamed in desperation from my party van (from an altogether amazing dream that pretty closely followed the plot of Thumbelina) and when Liz read it back to me laughing we talked about the future of the part van industry.

Maybe I don't know where I was going with this all, but that's okay. I think the point was that the weird things we think are embarrassing are probably gonna make people laugh at you in a good way (you know, the way that hopes you'll laugh along with you so that they feel safe telling you some of their own embarrassing things) and you just gotta get over it?

I have to wear a uniform tomorrow at school and give a speech to all of my peers and the school's faculty and probably the families of my fellow students, and that's scary. I get embarrassed when I can't where what I want because clothing is so important to me, but by wearing a uniform I am saying "we're the same, we can connect," and that's a pretty cool idea.